My Self-Diagnosis

July 22, 2008 · Filed under: Personal.

I know self-diagnosing on the internet is frowned upon, but for the sake of this entry I’m just going to gently push Reason aside and continue with my self-diagnosis, because I can. I suffer from Lazy Ass Syndrome (you might have heard of it), and the evidence I will present will hopefully be so strong that my self-diagnosis will be accepted even by Those Who Frown.

Evidence:

  1. Instead of getting up to close my door so that Leo doesn’t fly from the kitchen, around the corner, and onto my shoulder to annoy me, I’ll pick up a binder sitting next to me, lean over, and attempt to close the door with it. This saves me the added stress and time of getting up and walking two feet.
  2. Instead of grabbing a dinner plate from the kitchen, I grab a paper plate sitting on the counter so that later on after I finish eating I won’t have to turn on the faucet and rinse the plate. It’s better to just bend a few degrees and chuck the paper plate in the trash.
  3. Instead of walking into the kitchen and getting some ice for the lukewarm water sitting on my desk I, well, don’t.
  4. When running out really quick to do some errands, I put my hair in a bun rather than taking the time to brush it out. All five strands that are left, that is.
  5. Instead of getting up to turn on the lightswitch for the fan, I sit on my couch and melt into a nice fleshy puddle from the heat.
  6. When someone calls, I let the machine pick up rather than answer the phone, and when my Mom yells at me through the answering machine to “ANSWER THE PHONE, SARY!”, I pretend not to hear.
  7. Instead of blogging every two days like I used to, I let my blog sit for four of five days and update my About page for the upteenth time for no reason but to stall.

Those are but a few symptoms of LAS I’ve experienced in the past day. I’ve heard there’s a cure somewhere, but I’m too lazy to find out. 

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Why I’ll Never Get Into Politics

July 18, 2008 · Filed under: Thoughts.

The more I read about politics and see it in the media, the more I realize it’s just not for me. Small local government seems okay, but running for president? No, thank you. Simply because to do so you have to:

  1. Sell your soul to the devil.
  2. Pucker those lips of yours to perform some major ass kissing.
  3. Have balls of steel for the inevitable attacks on your beliefs, patriotism, family, and faith.
  4. Be willing to walk over the necessary people to get to the top.
  5. Have a lot of money.
  6. Have a squeaky clean past.
  7. Be in control of what you say and do every hour of every day.
  8. Deal with the press.
  9. Deal with America.
  10. Deal with the um, World?

It’s just not my cup of tea. Being the president of the United States would be a wonderful opportunity to do some good, yes, but the system is so corrupted I wouldn’t waste my time. And then you have to clean up Bush’s mess, be constantly watched and compromised, deal with world issues and pretend to care, and all for $400,000 a year. I’d rather do other things like catch up on my DVR’s, brush my husband’s face, paint, read a book, and live my very simple (anonymous) life. At least I’d enjoy it.

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