Christmas
Yesterday I realized that as I’ve grown older, Christmas has turned into just another passing holiday for me. Christmas used to be my favorite day of the year. When I was little I would look forward to that entire season all year. I used to grab that huge Toys R Us catalog, circle the toys I wanted, make a list for my Mom and Dad, anxiously wait for the different Christmas parties we’d be attending, and go shopping for a Christmas outfit. When Christmas Eve finally rolled around, we’d attend the different parties, I’d see my friends, we’d share what we put on our lists, and then we’d go to bed around 2 a.m. Four hours later my eager beaver ass would wake up, look under the tree, wake my sister up, and make her come with me to open our gifts. This happened every year from the age of five until I turned fourteen.
I don’t know what happened, but once I hit fourteen my heart just wasn’t in it anymore. I outgrew the Big Book. Some of my friends moved away so we didn’t see each other during the holidays. My parents would ask my sister and I what we wanted, but I’d always ask for money to buy what I needed. When I finally got a job I told my parents not to bother with gifts, I had it covered. My Mom didn’t bother putting up the tree. Christmas day was just another day.
And now that I’m 20… I feel nothing has changed. Sometimes I wish I still believed in Santa, or that my family and I had Christmas traditions. I wish we had a fireplace to put stockings on. I wish I still looked forward to Christmas.
Despite all this… the lack of Christmas spirit, gifts, and traditions, I’m still a little kid at heart. I love being around kids on Christmas, seeing their Christmas lists, talking about the toys they want. All of a sudden I’m a kid again, and I get excited about gifts and Santa and stockings and food. But only with them. Why is that? Am I alone in this? Does the “magic of Christmas” only happen for me around those that still enjoy it?
That’s why this Christmas I vowed to myself that when the next Christmas rolls around, and I’m living on my own, I’m going to go all out on Christmas. I’ll put up a tree, make Christmas food (or attempt to), try that eggnog stuff, play some good Christmas music, buy stockings to fill up with stuff (that will probably end up in some random kid’s hands), and get into the spirit.
Because, deep down, I believe Christmas and all the good stuff that seems to come with it, depends on us. Christmas is whatever we want it to be. And next year, mine is going to kick ass.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. When asked what I want for Christmas I say: “I’ve probably had it in my 15 Christmases at some point. I don’t really need a thing!”
There’s something so enchanting and magical about Christmas when you believe in Santa. I still enjoy it now but it really isn’t the same.