“Don’t you have a life?!”

March 17, 2008 · Filed under: Online. Articles.

Inspired by this previous article I wrote quite a while ago. To continue with the theme of Common Retorts Retards Like To Use On The Internets, I decided to talk about this next retort, which is probably the most commonly used in e-debates. I think I’ve heard it more than anyone since I run the Internet Police along with Becky and people like to whine like it’s their job.

For those of you still with me, I’d just like to say that if you’ve ever used this e-retort in an e-debate, you acted like a fucking moron. If you currently use this retort, and think it’s a-okay, please hit Alt + F4. Thank you.

Usually when both sides have shared their “opinions” on whatever subject is being discussed (popular subjects include internet trends, copyright laws, a nasty review, etc.), the insults start flying because, to be honest, after a while everything that can be said has been said. So personal attacks start pouring in, someone will talk about your momma, an embarassing picture of you will show up to haunt you, and in the midst of all of this someone will say: “You are so mean! Don’t you have something better to do with your time than pick on people?! Don’t you have a life?!”

Usually this is accompanied by “Grow up!”, a good-bye thread on a message board, or a LOLCAT image. It varies on the medium (either blog entry, message board, or review site). Let me do a Britney and break it down for you. I don’t know about any of you bloggers out there, but this is the amount of time it takes me to “manage” my website and/or browse the internet:

Now, I understand my site is very simple and consists mostly of a blog and outdated content. I know there are some websites that require a bit more effort to manage (daily photoblogs, graphic making, hosting businesses, review websites, etc). I can see how they can spend maybe 2-4 hours updating their websites for their visitors. However roughly 90% of those participating in an e-debate don’t own popular websites, and don’t do as many things on the internet as I do. How do I know? Because when you look at threads on popular message boards that ask “What do you do online?” it mostly consists of four things: MBs, Myspace, Youtube, and e-mail.

The estimates in the above paragraph are just that: estimates. I tried to be generous, but I could be wrong, so feel free to let me know how off I am.

Let’s say a normal day is one from 8am-10pm, which equals to 14 hours. So if it took me about 2 hours to make a layout and/or blog, and 3 more hours to browse the internet, then that means I’d have 9 hours left to do whatever the hell I wanted. In that time I could either work a full-time shift, or I could: go shopping, take a shower, watch a movie, go to the potty, talk to friends, cook a meal, tie my shoe, watch television, run errands, watch my husband make jewelry, or maybe go skinny dipping. And I’d still have ample time to silently rot.

If you’re not picking up what I’m putting down, I’ll just come right out and say it: Unless browsing the internet takes up a total of 14 hours of your day, there is plenty of time to “have a life.” If you spend at least 14 hours online, you need a new hobby. In fact, I’d appreciate it if you could send me an e-mail telling me just what the fuck you’re doing online that takes so much of your time.

The point I’m trying to make is that it’s ridiculous for one to assume that others who have opinions on the internet (be it harsh or respectful) spend their entire waking hours on the internet. Most of us have responsibilities, school or work, family duties, hobbies, etc. And even those that don’t (like me for example), it just doesn’t take that much of my time to type up some sentences on a message board, especially when I have so many hours left over in my day.

To me, it’s all about common sense. Interrupting a discussion or debate just to insert this senseless retort immediately renders the other points invalid. I don’t even read past “Get a life” anymore. If someone can’t understand the simple fact that people have lives outside of the internet, then I have nothing more to discuss with them.

Those are my random incoherent thoughts on the subject. What are yours?