Dear Neopet
December 27, 2007 · Filed under: Online.
Recently I signed up on Neopets, got myself a cute little pet, and played for a couple of hours for like, three days. Then I forgot my Neopet, and I decided that maybe it was time I wrote it a letter. I haven’t played with it in a while and hey, what better way to say “Sorry that you’re dying?” than through a letter?
Dear Neopet,
It’s me, NeoMom. The one who nurtured you for three days, fed you, clothed you, and took you on little tours around Neotopia. Remember the Sand Dunes? And the diamond fairies? LOL! Good times.Listen. I’m sorry I haven’t checked in on you in a couple of weeks. I hope you’re holding out okay. I just couldn’t do it anymore, man. Every time I remembered to log in I had to rape some games so that I could get you enough food so that you could go from Dying to Starving to Satiated to Alive. It just wasn’t fun anymore. I want money to buy you wooden shields, soggy vegetables, shoes, fairy dust, plushies, and not just food. What’s the fun in that?
I won’t be checking in for the next three months or so… just a heads up. Try to remember all that I taught you, ration your food, and try to make time for your fox plushie. Please, don’t end up like me.
See you soon,
Mama
Damn. I’m all mellow now? I’m going to go read some of the The Onion to cheer myself up.